SULK is a
"manifestation of boredom or bad mood that is revealed by gestures, by a
stubborn silence or by avoid looking to who allegedly caused it."
Defined like
this, it may look normal and harmless. But it is not. In fact, it is one of the
most destructive scenes of relations between people, whether they are children
or adults.
A personal
testimony, to frame the subject.
My dear old
father, who I have lost unexpectedly two years ago, had the bad habit of sulk. I still
remember, with great discomfort and some uprising, family meals where he, angry
with my mother or with any of the children, ate in silence, his head bowed, and
answered in monosyllables. Child and adolescent, I often thought that nothing
justified that behavior. Why make that scene? Why affect all with that? Why
cause the desire to be elsewhere and not watch that scene? Why force everyone
to pretend nothing is happening, relating artificially, as a misrepresented
play?
The truth is
that I became allergic, and even today, I run away of those scenes. Between
couples, between parents and children, between siblings, between families,
between friends, between co-workers, between supervisors and employees. No way,
I cannot bear out!
But I looked for
the reason of my discomfort. And I found some plausible explanations. Take a
look.
First, who is
sulking uses a kind of a “bright sign” advertising all I AM ANGRY. This
advertising assumes that all should be interested in the subject or in his
anger. Selfishness, egotism, narcissism, and lack of respect for the patience
of others. I would say, if he is angry, take a pill, or go for a walk, and DO NOT
DISTURB!!!!
Second, and far
more serious, sulk causes what psychologists call "non-recognition".
Not recognize someone is telling “you do not exist, you are transparent, I do
not see you, you're not important." Because that's exactly what happens.
When someone well-intentioned approaches a grumpy and asks "what happened?",
the answer is the turn of the face, a deafening silence or an abrupt leaving.
And what the well-intentioned feels about this reaction? He feels that is
presence was not recorded, it is not important, which is so low that does not
deserve a response. But he will insist, because he wants to solve the problem,
and he will be “not recognized” again and again ... It really hurts. And
weakens and sickens who goes through this. Now imagine when this scene is made
on a child ...
Well ... but it
gets worse. Because sulk is a role model that is copied, it's contagious as a
virus that passes from father to son, and runs even within a company. That is, a
child who has parents that sulk, he learns sulking too, and there goes the
virus....
Either we caught it,
or we are running some risks. Here's a Portuguese humorous video - The Minister sulking. Seriously?
